kernel, reflections

though the fact that they were terrible did not mean that they were necessarily truthful

memories hidden in

every “I should not”

i’ve said

parade before my eyes

as I lie awake

and I smile-

you are in every one of them; and I wouldn’t have it any other way-


last night,

I dreamt of a map

that would lead us to each other.

of all the broken souls out there,

i chose to love yours.

as we tip-toe around the bed,

I fast forward us till the very end;

we’re young despite our wrinkles


you see,



your stongest



greatest weapon.

Your lips parted to accomodate my tongue;

after the kiss, a promise whispered


My body craved for your arms,

 we locked hands

and while you dreamt away

another promise;


long after midnight, while you‘re dreaming

As you sleep,

I count your breaths,

I close my eyes

listening to the subtle noise of your body;

I am the flame

I am the wind

I am the soil

I am the drop.

For you my love,

to you my love

your country.

“Hey baby doll! Can I come in? It’s so hot today.I bought you something for your birthday! You’re almost ten now, wow! I remember when you first moved to our neighbourhood, you were so skinny and looked so scared. It’s been two years now? Time flies! Yes, coffee would be great. So what’s up? I saw you playing with your cousin the day before yesterday. You two looked pretty happy. Yes, I undestand. It still hurts love? Well I should not be surprised. You’re not even ten. Well, the pain goes away with age. Oh, enough about this.Open up your present! I knew you’d like it! Oh I’m so happy you like it! Come on, lets play!
Don’t worry! You still have time, it’s not even noon yet. I’ll help you out later. Here, I think we should spread out all the pieces and then closely look at the picture and then pick out the blues ones. Oh you’re right. What if we go outside? OK. Yeah, laundry is tough. But you get used to that too. You get used to everything. Sixteen in three months. I was about your age too. Oh this is blue too. I think its going to look very pretty! I can come over every day until we finish this. Oh this is a ship. That’s the sea. Yes, and people say they go to places. My aunt went somewhere with one of these. I don’t know, I never saw her again. Ah it’s even hotter now. Don’t worry about it! Your husband will not be home till dark.”

As I fell,

I wondered how deep the well was.

I took your body as it was; empty. Your skin a beautiful white canvas. I filled the holes within you, I covered your flesh with my words and I kissed your pain softly.

and then I said “Lets make some music” and you smiled, happy. You were happy. No lyrics, a simple rythm for you I created, I taught you how to dance to it, you were free in it. And I was proud of you boy ; proud of how you could finally learn how to love.