when you touched my hand and I knew I had to let go. It was the last time.
Absence is ugly,
she brings death to the beauty of what used to be.
It’s the pain that eats you away and the sore eyes;
It’s the weakness that overwhelms your spirit.
It’s the countless sleepless nights and the bad dreams;
it’s all the moments I woke up wondering if you got home in one piece.
It’s the empty coffee cups in my room and the fake smiles I had to put on.
It’s the weight loss and my friends hugs.
Absence is all my presents that you’ve sold on a shitty market
and all our moments that you’ve shared; it’s all my clothes that you’re giving away
It’s me missing your baby sister,your mum, your grandma. I loved them you know. I really did. It’s me not remembering you, me not knowing who you are.
Absence is you robbing me from what was dearest to me: love.
It’s you somehow turning that love to hatred and ignorance; I no longer wonder if you got home in one piece, I no longer care.And this love, is absence.
Absence is the crushed car outside my house and all the men trying to go out with me; it’s all the compliments I say thank you to and I pretend to enjoy. It’s the empty words you said.
It’s how I don’t remember your warm touch or your smell; I think of you and a primitive feeling of revulsion fuels my belly.
Absence is all the ugly, horrible feelings I feel for you now. You pushed me to it.